


Atelophobia

by cabensonism (youhappenedovernight)



Category: Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 09:02:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youhappenedovernight/pseuds/cabensonism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fear of imperfection. (AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning of the End

_Chapter One: The Beginning of the End_

Nights like tonight, Olivia considered the direction of her life. She was young yet – only 25. She’d been a police officer for two years now. She loved her job. Loved it. She liked helping people, she liked the feeling she got when someone thanked her, and she liked knowing that she was doing more for someone than anyone had done for her own mother.

“I can’t believe you’re getting rid of it.” Abigail Carmichael ran her fingers through thick dark hair, “And letting me do it, on top of that.” She made a motion to reach for a pair of scissors.

“I must be insane.”

“Well, I am your best friend.”

“ _Monique’s_ my best friend. You are a bit more than that, dear.”

Abbie chuckled, remembering that no more than two hours ago, she’d been wrapped up in cotton sheets and Olivia and that twenty minutes ago, she’d been in the shower in this very bathroom with the same woman, clinging to her for dear life as she fucked her against the wall. And now, she was in Olivia’s boxers and Olivia was in her Longhorns tank top and she was getting ready to chop her hair off.

It crossed Abbie’s mind that it had been close to two years since she met Olivia at Palace – their favorite, discreet, gay friendly bar. It was Abbie’s first year at Hudson – she was 22. Olivia was still in the Academy and she was 23. There was something about her, something about her toughness, but the gentleness in her tone and in her attitude that she loved. She knew they would never be more than fuck buddies, but she was happy to find someone as fucked up as she was – maybe even more than she was. And perhaps, in that, Abbie felt more comfortable than she’d ever felt revealing more about herself to Olivia than she did anyone else. No matter what it was.

“Yeah, maybe a little more than best friends.” Abbie responded, “Now, you’re sure you want to do this?”

“Hair grows back.”

Abbie shrugged, “Fine.”

First were the few snips she made to get rid of the majority of Olivia’s shoulder length hair. Then she turned on the clippers and went to work. Thirty minutes later, Olivia was left with a pixies cut.

She stared at herself in the mirror for a few long moments, before speaking, “My mother will hate it, but I think it looks good.”

“You look good, stud.” Abbie winked into her reflection in the mirror and ran her fingers through the short hairs at the nape of her neck, “I did a damn good job, huh.”

“You did. You think it looks good?”

Abbie smiled, “You look damn good.” She placed a kiss on her shoulder, “Ya hungry?”

Olivia turned to Abbie, “Not the way you’re thinking.”

With a soft chuckle, Olivia turned toward Abbie. And with a low growl, she lifted Abbie in the air. Abbie knew she was being led back to her bedroom.

“First day of class tomorrow, Olivia. I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. And you want to.” She placed Abbie on the floor. Abbie placed her hands on Olivia’s shoulders and pushed her to the bed.

“Shut up and take what’s coming to ya. And you better not keep me up all night.”

“Scout’s honor.” Olivia’s self-assured grin intensified as Abbie lowered herself to her knees in front of her.

Abbie smirked and reached for the waistband of her panties. The best thing about Olivia, Abbie had determined was that she always seemed ready for sex. The woman’s libido was unstoppable. Olivia raised her hips and the underwear were quickly disposed of.

XXX

Hudson University’s School of Law was a top ranked program and Alexandra Cabot’s father, the great Senator Alexander Cabot IV, was proud of her for attending the prestigious school. Her mother, Claire (nee Montgomery), was happy that Alex’s boyfriend of two years, Trevor Langan, was also attending the same school. For Claire Cabot, it was much more important that her daughter marry a lawyer than become one.

And it was important for Alex too, that she made both parents proud. And being with Trevor made her happy. He was clean cut, a beautiful man by every standard, smart, and charming. Best of all, he loved her.

Most convenient of all, he wasn’t a woman.

While Trevor was her boyfriend – a good boyfriend at that – it wasn’t as if Mr. Perfect was the only person Alex slept with - in fact, he was the person she slept with least. Her set of female paramours consisted of women she considered to a part of circle – daughters of politicians, women who were politicians themselves, women with a lot to lose, just like her. No hassle. No falling in love. Just a way to scratch that itch.

“Why can’t we live in the same place? It doesn’t make sense, Alex.” Trevor placed his hands on hips as Alex paced around her bedroom looking for shoes before class.

“Because I’d like my space for the duration of law school.” Alex smiled.

“And after law school?”

Finding the shoes she wanted and sliding into them, she looked over herself in the mirror before turning back to Trevor, “Then I’m all yours.” She winked, retrieving her things from the table. She placed a kiss on his lips, “See you this afternoon.”

Unlike most 1Ls, Alex wasn’t restricted from taking electives. Her father pulled a few strings, because his daughter was going to do big things and how would she do big things if she weren’t ahead of her class? 

And that is exactly what brought her to _Sexuality & Gender Law_; a class filled with students a year or more ahead of her.

She chose a seat toward the front of the class. She wanted to be seen by the professor. She needed to be seen; she needed to talk to Dr. Sharon Roth – legal scholar, so very knowledgeable in gender studies and the law – so she could perhaps be a step ahead of the rest.

Exactly one minute before class was set to start, Abbie rushed in, pissed that the only seat available in the front of the class. An animal of habit, Abbie noticed the lithe body beside her. Perfect posture, obviously organized to the point that she could have a complex – blue blood all the way. Long, lean, golden blonde hair, and dark framed glasses – if she’d ever had a librarian fantasy, this girl would fit the mold. She was also obviously straight.

_Shame. You’d have made a wonderful addition to Team Carmichael-Benson._


	2. Chapter 2: Everybody Hurts

_Chapter Two: Everybody Hurts_

“So, what’s the call?” Olivia strutted out to the squad car where her commanding officer, Karen Smythe, was waiting for her. Smythe wasn’t very close to all of the incoming officers, but she took a liking to the strong, independent brunette. She’d taken her with her on three calls so far and had seen an empathetic, passionate, and very promising young law enforcer.

“It’s a domestic.” Karen waited for Olivia to get settled into the car, “I’ve been to this place twice in the past month,” She pulled onto the road, “I don’t know when this lady will leave him, but until she does, we will be there.”

Olivia nodded. There was nothing she hated more than men who thought they could hurt women and children. Rapists, child molesters, women-beaters – she hated them more than anything in this world. Those men made her think of her mother, made her think of her father, her entire conception. And she wants to kill these men, just like she wants to kill her father. The only person who knew these things about Olivia – that her father was a rapist and her whole life had been a burden to her mother – was Abbie. She couldn’t tell anyone else because they don’t get it like Abbie does.

The apartment was a four-story walk up. Karen complained about her knees the entire time, but Olivia practically sprinted.

“Police, open up!”

As the heavy door slowly opened, Mrs. Greenly’s bruised face appeared at the door. Olivia searched her eyes.

“I’m Officer Benson, this is Sergeant Smythe. Is your husband still here?”

She nodded, opened the door, and motioned toward the living room.

“You called the cops?! You stupid bitch!” As Mr. Greenly charged toward his wife, Olivia placed herself in between them, while Karen stepped forward and subdued the man.

As Karen began placing the cuffs on him, Mrs. Greenly panicked, “But I don’t want him to go to jail. I just want him to stop.”

“Mrs. Greenly,” Olivia started, “he won’t stop. Not as long as you allow him to continue living with you. The next call I’ll be out here on will be a homicide if he doesn’t get locked up.” The woman looked down and Olivia brought her fingers to the woman’s chin, “Look at you. Do you see what he’s done to you? You’re beautiful, you don’t deserve this.”

“He loves me.”

“No, he doesn’t. If he loved you, he wouldn’t do this to you.” Olivia lowered her voice, “I can’t make you file charges, but you should.”

“Can I come down to the station to do it?”

“Yes, you can.”

“Will you be there?”

“Will you come down in an hour? I will be there and I will personally take your statement.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Greenly.”

“Tabatha.”

“Thank you, Tabatha.”

When Olivia returned to the squad car, Karen was standing outside of it. Mr. Greenly was handcuffed in the back.

“She’s pressing charges.”

“What? You got her to change her mind?” Olivia shrugged, “You’re good, kid. Listen we have this task force…”

XXX

Hooking up with women was easy for Alex. It helped that she was a looker, but the fact that her family was well known, that she was considered a socialite, that she could throw her money around – it made seduction much smoother.

The older women were the easiest. It seemed like they were just happy to have someone as young and as beautiful as Alex desire them. Alex was worldlier than they’d imagined her to be and it added to her old money charm. The younger girls were more of a challenge, but the moment she pulled out the shiny black Amex, their apprehension seemed to disappear.

But Morgan, she was Alex’s pet project. Morgan Cunningham was very much like Alex, though just a few years younger. The county commissioners daughter, she was an undergrad at Hudson. She attended the same parties as Alex. She had long dark hair, brown eyes that sparkled whenever Alex was near her. Alex wanted her and Morgan, even if she couldn’t really vocalize it, wanted her too. It had taken two months, much longer than Alex had ever been willing to spend on another person, for her to get her to bed. It had seemed worth it. It had all seemed very worth it until tonight.

As Morgan rolled off her, Alex lie their panting, completely satisfied and dying for a nap.

“I’m falling for you, Alex.”

Her eyes popped open and she turned toward Morgan, “No, you’re not. You’re falling for who you think I am.”

“I know who you are. You may try to hide it, but you are compassionate, beautiful, and maybe a little scared of what you might feel if you let someone love you. I may be 19, but I’m not a naïve little girl.”

She was naïve. Very. But she wasn’t wrong. “Morgan, we can’t do this.”

“Just leave your boyfriend. You and I could move in together….”

Alex moved out of the bed. “No, no we can’t. And no, I can’t. I’ve got too much to lose, Morgan.” She started putting on her clothes, needing to leave this situation. It was too close. Too close.

“Are you seriously leaving? Alex, stop. I know you feel this.”

“You don’t know anything.” She was two steps away from the dorm room door before Morgan spoke again.

“I’ll tell everyone we’ve been together. Then you’ll have nothing to lose.”

Two steps back and Alex was in front of Morgan, “You won’t say a word, if you’re smart.”

“What? Are you going to hit me?”

“No. But if you want your father’s career to survive, you’ll keep your mouth shut.”

XXX

Olivia has always told Abbie that she needed therapy – a counselor of some sort. Abbie always responded with something snarky – “Sex with you is more interesting.” “You use me as an outlet, Liv. Why can’t I do the same?”

When Abbie was a freshman, she met a guy – a man whose name she’s locked away in the deep recesses of her mind. Locked away so deep, she barely thought of it. He was a 3L – mature, self-assured, and handsome. When he asked her out, Abbie couldn’t say no. This was the kind of man her mother had told her she should date. He was so sweet during their date. He invited her back to his place. She was afraid that if she said no, he wouldn’t want her.

She didn’t even know what Rohypnol was until the morning after. She never dated another man. She never spoke of it until she met Olivia and, even now, she didn’t like talking about it or dealing with it in any capacity.

 _Sexuality & Gender Law_ was coming to a close for the day. Abbie had been late, again, and was forced, again, to sit in the front row beside Librarian Barbie (what she’d decided to call her until she knew her name).

“Excuse me?” Abbie turned around, “You left your pen.” Librarian Barbie held out a blue Bic to Abbie and she took it.

“Thanks. Abbie Carmichael.” 

“Alex Cabot.”

“Nice to meet you.”

As Alex opened her mouth to hopefully say something witty, her phone buzzed in her hands.

“Oh, sorry, I’ve got to meet my boyfriend at his class. As usual, he left his keys.”

“That’s fine, I should be heading to meet my, er, friend. See you next week.”

Ten minutes later, Alex was heading out of the law building, Trevor in tow. She spotted Abbie, wrapped in the arms of another brunette. And she was gorgeous.

Alex was intrigued.


	3. Tonight

_Chapter Three: Tonight_

Abbie hadn’t moved an inch since Olivia wrapped her arms around her on her couch. Olivia had always been a cuddler and as much as she hated to admit it, Abbie liked it too.

“You ever worry that we’re too – couple-ish?” Abbie rolled in her arms, to rest on her back, “I mean, one day, you’re going to find someone and we can’t do this. Where does that leave me?”

“You’ll find someone before I will, I’m sure.”

“Doubtful, but even if I do, where does that leave you?”

“I know our relationship is primarily based on sex,” And neediness, don’t forget the neediness, “but I’d like to think that we like each other enough to remain friends without the sex. And we could still do this – nothing sexual about this. You know you can always talk to me about anything.”

“I know that.” Abbie did know that. Olivia never judged her; never question her unless she was asked to, never spoke a word to anyone else. She was like a real live diary. Olivia was the least judgmental person she knew and that was refreshing in the world she lived in.

“Good. I’m glad you know that.” Olivia smiled, “So, make out now or later?” She chuckled and Abbie pulled her to her by the collar of her t-shirt.

“Now sounds good.” Abbie grinned before lifting her face to kiss Olivia. She kissed her hard, trying to forget that one day, this feeling of belonging to someone, even if she didn’t really belong to her, would end.

XX

The encounter with Morgan left Alex feeling jittery and angry and sad and alone. What was worst was that Morgan was right about her at least to some degree. She didn’t want to fall in love. It was messy and dangerous. She cared about Trevor, but she didn’t have to really love him to keep him happy. She just had to say it. With women – with women it was different. Besides, she couldn’t bring that kind of shame to the family. She couldn’t. Her brother had already done that, in more ways than one. Nathan Cabot was a fuck up like no other.

Despite not wanting to be seen as a lesbian herself, her best friend was the most out person she knows. Serena Southerlyn still had many of the same hang-ups Alex did, but her family wasn’t in politics. She didn’t have a public image to keep up. She got to be her. And for that, Alex was extremely envious.

“Morgan called you out on your bullshit and you’re upset about it.” Serena said as she took a bite of the salad she’d ordered at their favorite café. It was still warm enough outside for them to be able to eat on the patio.

“It’s not about her being right. It’s about her thinking that we were more than what we were.”

“You lead her on. Come on, she was a kid. She’s not used to the lifestyle that you and all the other closeted trust-fund babies. She’s not used to you little snakes.”

“We are not snakes.”

“Yes, you are. You people are slithering snakes, waiting for unsuspecting cute, furry animals to pass you by so you can bite them.”

“Wow, I’m glad that’s how you think of me.”

“I love you, Alex. You’re one of the most amazing people I know, but you treat people who want to love you like shit. I think you’re a loving person trapped by fear of rejection.” Serena could see in Alex’s eyes the conversation needed to change, “So, how’s the beard?”

“He has a name. Trevor is fine.”

“God, I feel terrible for that guy.”

“Why?”

“He loves you.”

“He thinks he loves me. He loves the idea of me. And I care for him a great deal.”

“He’s going to ask you to marry him, eventually.”

Alex shrugged, “When he does, I’ll accept.”

Serena shook her head. Alex’s life was complicated, but only because she made it that way.

XX

The task force that Olivia’s commanding officer mentioned to her regarded crimes against women and children. After watching Olivia for a year and a half, Smythe saw something special in her. She seemed to connect with women and children, especially the little ones, effortlessly. She didn’t know what it was about her that made them open up to her, but it was there and, because Olivia was a good cop, those instincts should be put to better use in this task force. Monique had also been signed up by her superior. As they sat side by side in the info session, Monique leaned her head against Olivia’s shoulder.

“So tired.” She whispered, “I worked a double two nights in a row, I’ve had exactly eight hours of sleep in the past forty-eight hours. I think I know how it feels to die.”

Olivia snickered, “So, I guess you’re not going out with me and Abbie tonight?”

“Oh, I’m going. I’m just going to sleep as soon as we leave here.”

“Good, it wouldn’t be fun without you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She yawned, “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

“And boys.” Olivia whispered.

It was a known fact amongst her friends that Olivia gave equal consideration to both genders, though perhaps not equal attention, but consideration nonetheless. But she never flaunted it, figuring it was no one’s business but her own.

XX

“So, I just figured out why I recognized you.” Abbie said to Alex before class.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re Senator Cabot’s kid.”

“That I am.”

“But I didn’t expect you to be so uptight.” Abbie baited. She could read a woman like Alex a mile away and she knew that she would take that bait.

“Uptight?! You barely know me.”

“Well, I could get to know you better if you came out with me and my friends tonight. I mean, assuming a straight girl like you could hang.”

“Straight? You might think I’m uptight, but don’t judge a book by it’s cover, Carmichael.”


	4. Want

_Chapter Four: Want_

“I don’t know. Abbie said it was low-key.” Alex said as she slid into a loose summer dress, navy blue belted across her thin waist. It was late August and the weather was still very warm and tonight was particularly humid.

“What’s it called again?” Serena was sitting on Alex’s bed, legs crossed gingerly. She was dressed in a black dress that reached her knees and matching heels. Her entire outfit cost more than most women’s entire wardrobe, but she wore it effortlessly – like it wasn’t worth a year’s tuition at a state college.

“Palace. Heard of it?” Alex stepped into two-inch nude peep-toes.

“Yeah. Your friend –“

“She’s not quite a friend yet.” Alex smirked. 

“Your classmate is right. Super low-key. It’s not really a lesbian bar. More like a gay friendly bar with a bunch of hot ladies who might be interested in a liaison with a wealthy, fucked-up beauty such as yourself.”

“God, you are an incredible asshole, you know that?”

“I’m actually quite envious of your abilities to pull women like you do.”

Alex groaned. That was nothing to be proud of at all, nothing to be envious of at all.

XXX

Abbie preferred to arrive before her friends. She hated the idea of anyone waiting on her. She was facing the door when Alex and a blonde friend came into view. They were kind of hard to miss.

“Alex, hey. I’m glad you made it.” Abbie smiled, looking over to her very attractive friend, “I’m Abbie.”

“Serena. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” Abbie’s eyes made a quick trek over Serena’s body. She was stunning and Abbie wondered how she’d gotten so lucky tonight.

Alex and Serena took seats on either side of Abbie, “So, where are your friends?” Alex asked.

“They’ll be here soon. Why? Am I not enough for you?” Abbie joked.

 

XX

Monique and Olivia took a cab together to Palace. Monique continued to fuss with her shirt – a white tank top that fit loosely and complimented her both her tight black jeans and her muscular shoulders and arms. She was the kind of person who took great pride in how she looked. She had to be perfect. One hundred percent perfect. Olivia was dressed similarly, believing that wearing jeans was a luxury in comparison to the polyester blend she had to wear for work.

They stepped out of the cab and into Palace. Palace was always a laid back spot – people were dressed in jeans, like Monique and Olivia, but there were people also dressed in thousand dollar dresses. Yet everyone blended effortlessly. Olivia spotted Abbie with two blondes and pulled Monique in their direction. Once she reached Abbie, she wrapped her arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her cheek.

“Hey.”

“Hey, hot stuff.” She smiled and turned, “Liv, Monique, this is Alex and this is her friend Serena. Ladies, Olivia and Monique.”

Alex took a moment to appreciate both women before her. Both were attractive, certainly and while she may have had her eye on Abbie, she was now presented with two new and very delicious options – particularly Olivia. She was gorgeous.

“Serena,” Abbie turned to the blonde on her left and smiled, “Would you care to dance?”

“Only if she can come too.” Serena pointed at Monique with a grin.

“A babe sandwich?” Abbie grinned, “Ladies, follow me.”

As Alex watched Serena go off to dance, she smiled broadly. She didn’t get to have fun on a regular basis and Alex couldn’t be happier for her dear friend.

“So, Olivia, is it?”

The brunette nodded, “Alex, right?”

“Mm hm.” Alex moved closer to Olivia at the bar, “So, is this your first time here?”

“No. Is that your lame attempt at a come on?”

“If I was coming on to you, you’d know.” Alex chuckled and ordered two drinks for herself and Olivia. She slipped the bartender her credit card to leave her tab open, allowing the black AmEx to be visible, “You never answered my question.”

“No, not my first time here, but I can tell it’s yours.” Olivia smiled, the audacity of some women…

“Oh yeah, and how is that?” Alex sipped her drink the moment it arrived.

“Look around you. Everyone here is hooking up with someone. And yet, here you are, talking to me.”

“And you’re not hooking up?”

“Sex is overrated.”

Alex laughed, “Really?” She leaned into the brunette, smelling the light scent of her perfume, “Perhaps your sleeping with the wrong person.” She looked out toward the sea of dancers and toward her best friend dancing in between Abbie and Monique.

“And who says I’m sleeping with anyone?”

“Please. You can read it all over you and Abbie.”

Olivia smirked, “Abbie’s different.” Abbie was different. The sex was good, but it wasn’t just about sex with them – there was something closer.

“But you’re not satisfied.” Alex knew she was pressing a nerve, but there was something about this woman that made her want to press her buttons. Perhaps it was because Olivia was absolutely unfazed by Alex’s wealth. Most women would be falling to their knees by now and Olivia just didn’t care.

“You don’t know me.” But Alex was right.

“But I’d like to.”

“Yeah?” Olivia looked away from Alex briefly before returning her gaze; “It takes a little more than a credit card to impress me.”

Olivia quickly finished her drink, starting to move away from the bar.

“Wait.” Alex called out, “Wait. I’m sorry. Maybe we could start over?”

Alex had never been told no before. She’s never been rejected.

“Yeah, maybe.” Olivia continued toward the dance floor and pulled Abbie toward her, leaving Alex on the sidelines to watch.

That night, Alex and Serena took a cab back to Serena’s apartment on the Upper East Side. Serena had been talking about Abbie all night. She was clearly smitten and Alex understood. As Alex slid under the blanket, her mind was on Olivia. Olivia hadn’t taken the bait; she’d literally refused her. She was a challenge.

And Alex never turned down a challenge.


	5. Nathan

Chapter Five: Nathan

For three weeks, Olivia hadn’t fallen for any of Alex’s little tricks. It was very strange, Alex thought, that the more Olivia denied her advances – as underhanded and low-key as they were – the more Alex wanted her. In the meantime, Alex seemed to be getting closer to Abbie by virtue of Abbie and Serena’s mutual, though undisclosed, obsession with one another. It was actually quite cute – Serena coming to Alex for information, Abbie coming to Alex for the same, too scared to talk to one another directly. It was all very quaint to Alex, who couldn’t say she was ever this nervous around a woman.

Balancing school work, a boyfriend, several illicit affairs, and chasing a woman who seemingly wanted nothing to do with her, had taken it’s toll on Alex, as she spent the entirety of her Friday in her bed. She was exhausted. Yet, no matter how badly her brain wanted to shut off, she continued to think of Olivia. She’d managed to get her phone number in these few weeks and she considered that a small victory. She debated internally for twenty minutes about what to do, finally giving in and texting Olivia.

**_Hey. You busy?_ **

Lame, Alex. Totally lame.

A few moments later a text message arrived.

**No, just exhausted, worked a double. How are you?**

**_I’m exhausted myself, but I could let you go, if you need to get to bed._ **

Alex hoped Olivia would say no.

**No, I’m good. I’m actually on the train on the way home. Were you thinking of me? ;)**

Winky face. That’s good.

**_I was. I was thinking about a certain cop that won’t give me the time of day._ **

**Maybe the cop thinks she’ll be just another notch on your belt.**

**_But she’ll never know if she doesn’t take a chance._ **

Alex didn’t want to sound desperate, but damn. She was. She was absolutely, totally desperate. Olivia didn’t want her and that drove her absolutely nuts. Olivia was beautiful and definitely her type; she probably would’ve chased her anyway. But the fact that she wouldn’t take the bait, that she’d refused her, was making her want her even more.

**No, I suppose she wouldn’t. But could you blame her?**

**_No, I guess I couldn’t blame her. But it would be nice if she’d give me a shot._ **

**Maybe.**

Maybe. Alex sighed, though contentedly, at the thought of maybe.

**_Yeah, maybe._ **

**I’m at my stop. Talk soon?**

Alex smiled.

**_You bet. Goodnight, officer._ **

**Goodnight.**

XXX

“Mind if I stop by?” Olivia was waiting outside of Abbie’s apartment.

“Come on over. I’m not doing shit. Where are you?”

“Standing in front of your building.” Olivia chuckled before hearing the click of the phone and the buzz of the front door unlocking.

Olivia took the stairs, half jogging.

“Whoa, look at you.” Abbie smiled, looking at Olivia in her uniform. Despite the fact that they were not a couple and hadn’t slept together in over a week (a major feat for the two of them), she couldn’t deny how attractive Olivia was, especially in her uniform.

“Yeah, yeah. Mind if I borrow something to wear?”

“Help yourself.”

After changing into a pair of Abbie’s sweats and a t-shirt, Olivia stretched out on her bed with Abbie lying beside her.

“So, this Alex chick…” Olivia said, looking expectantly at Abbie.

“What about her?”

“What’s her story?”

“You mean other than the fact that she wants you.” Abbie chuckled, “Well, she’s old money, she’s a senator’s kid, she’s got a boyfriend—“

“A boyfriend?” Abbie nodded, “Well, she’s just full of surprises.”

It wasn’t the first time that a woman who was pursuing her had a boyfriend, but it was the first time she’d actually considered dating her. Despite fighting it with all her might, she did find Alex attractive and Olivia was very intrigued, indeed. But she didn’t like being used. At least she knew with Abbie they were always friends.

“Not to change the subject,” Abbie started, “I want to go out tomorrow night. I’m going to invite Serena.”

“Oooh, Serena.”

“Shut up.” Olivia jumped on top of Abbie, tickling her sides.

“Oooh, Serena. Serena! SERENA!”

Things didn’t change with Abbie. They never did. Olivia liked that kind of normalcy, having had none of it childhood. And as she cuddled next to her, she knew that would never change.

XXX

Nathan Cabot was the eldest of the two Cabot children. He was a graduate of Exeter, Yale, and Harvard Business School. He was 28. He was also a moderately drug addicted, highly documented playboy and could probably tear down everything his family ever worked for in less than a minute.

He met Alex at a small café and, since the weather was nice still, the Cabot heirs sat outdoors. 

“How are mom and dad?” He asked, rubbing his palms together as they waited for their food. He was exceptionally fidgety today.

“You’d know if you’d show up to family events.”

“Don’t give me that. C’mon.”

“Mom and Dad are fine. I think they’d like to see you soon. They miss you.” Alex paused as their waiter placed their food in front of them. She waited until he left, “I miss you.”

“Alex…”

“I do.”

“It must be hard being the golden child, huh, Alex?”

“Nate, I’m not the golden child. I’m not the favorite. I’m just not the fucked up one.”

“Says the one in the closet. How’s the beard anyway?”

“Trevor’s not really a beard—“

“Trevor’s a beard. The only person who doesn’t know that Trevor’s a beard is Trevor.”

“Fuck you.” Alex’s voice showed no malice toward her brother. Yes, he was a fuck up, but she loved him. He understood what it was like to be a Cabot. If all else failed, she had her brother, “Mom and Dad would like to see you.”

“And they wouldn’t mind if you brought home a girl, Alex.”

“Stop.”

“They wouldn’t.”

“Their careers…”

“And your happiness, Alex. Your happiness.”

Her happiness. What a novel idea.


	6. Drunk

_Chapter 6: Drunk_

“So, I’m thinking this thing with Abbie is going to work out.”

“Uh huh.” Alex said, her body reclined on Serena’s bed, eyes pointed to the ceiling. Her thoughts were not with Serena and her impending relationship, or whatever she was doing, with Abbie. Her thoughts were with Olivia – seeing Olivia, talking to Olivia, maybe getting her out on the dance floor tonight, hopefully (though, she realized this was far-fetched) taking her home.

“Are you listening to me?”

“Uh huh.”

“Can you loan me a million bucks?”

“Uh huh – wait, what?”

Serena stopped fooling with her outfit for the night for long enough to watch her best friend.

“What’s going on, Alex?”

Alex didn’t feel comfortable with most people, but Serena never judged her. Sure, she criticized, but criticism was one thing and judgment was another.

“I’m preoccupied.” Alex sat up, smoothing the creases in her shirt.

“With?”

“Olivia.”

“Abbie’s friend. She’s cute.”

Alex grinned. Olivia was a bit more than cute. Gorgeous, hot, beautiful – okay, maybe a lot more than cute, “Yeah. And she won’t give me the time of day.”

“She’s smart.”

“Jesus, Serena. Tell me how you really feel.”

“I don’t mean to offend you, but Olivia, from what Abbie tells me, is a good hearted person that—“

“You know Abbie and Olivia fuck each other regularly, don’t you?”

Serena visibly froze and Alex wished she could take back every word.

“I know. But I know that they use each other as placeholders until the right thing comes along. And I also know that doesn’t mean that Olivia is some kind of lothario such as yourself.”

Alex rolled her eyes, “Right.”

But Serena did, in fact, have a point. She didn’t know much about Olivia, but what she did know was Olivia wasn’t looking for a hook-up. And Alex couldn’t give her much more than that. And if Olivia was somehow willing to have an open relationship, Alex couldn’t bear the thought of sharing her, no matter how hypocritical that was. She knew that she should spare them both of the pain and sadness – but she couldn’t stop thinking of her, wanting her, or feeling drawn to her.

As Alex began to stand, her phone rang – a cute little text message from a woman she couldn’t stop thinking about.

**I hope you’re coming out tonight. Believe it or not, I kinda miss you.**

Butterflies. Alex never had butterflies before. Even when she should’ve – the first girl she ever kissed, the first time she’d made love to a woman – she’d never gotten them. And now here they were, erupting in her stomach. With any other woman, she’d avoid sounding needy. She may have even ignored the text to avoid the woman getting attached. Yet her fingers were moving and she was texting something sweet. She couldn’t stop herself from pressing send.

_**I miss you too. I’ll see you tonight.** _

XXX

What was she thinking sending that text? It could have just stayed at asking if she was coming out that night, but Olivia just had to say she missed her. It was true, though. She hadn’t seen Alex in days and she did miss her. She missed the little things. The things she bet no one ever noticed about her. The way her nose wrinkled when she laughed or that she played with her fingernails when she was nervous. She found herself wondering constantly if her boyfriend noticed those things about her and then found herself upset at the thought of her having a boyfriend and even more upset at herself for caring.

Abbie and Serena had almost immediately taken to the dance floor upon arrival, which left Alex and Olivia at the bar. Alex, having shown up about twenty minutes before Olivia and Abbie, had already had quite a few drinks and was feeling rightfully buzzed and actually a bit bold as she leaned into Olivia.

“Did you really miss me?”

She was so close, Olivia could smell the mixture of her perfume, her shampoo, and the alcohol and Olivia was all but trapped, “Yes, I really did. I don’t know why, but I did.”

“I think I know why.” Alex spoke in a singsong voice, too buzzed to care, not drunk enough to not know what she was saying.

“Oh, yeah? And why’s that?”

Alex leaned in closer. Maybe it was the alcohol making her head swim, maybe it was Olivia. Alex was willing to bet it was the latter.

“Because you like me.”

Olivia grinned. Alex was persistent, that was for sure.

“You think so?”

“I know so. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have sent that text. You’re smarter than that, more careful. You sent it because you meant it. And that means you like me.” Alex drunkenly, but softly, kissed Olivia’s cheek and Olivia thought immediately that kisses on the cheek were not meant to cause the quivering in her lower stomach, “Why don’t you fall for the bait like other women?”

Alex didn’t mean to say that out loud. It sounded bad, it sounded exactly like the person Serena had made her out to be, and exactly as Morgan felt about her. And Alex didn’t want Olivia to see her that way.

“I’m not other women.”

Alex grinned, looking Olivia’s body over, taking the woman in entirely. God, she wanted her, “No, you’re certainly not.”

“Alex, how much have you had to drink?”

“Not that much.”

Olivia shook her head, “I’m taking you home.”

“Finally.”

“No, Alex, I’m taking you home to your house, so you can go to sleep and sleep the alcohol off.”

_She’s so noble. I kind of like that._ Olivia took Alex’s hand into her own and started walking toward the exit. Alex was never one for hand holding, but Olivia’s hand was warm and strong and she just wanted to hold her hand forever.

“Where do you live?”

“Upper East Side.”

“I could’ve guessed that.” Olivia scoffed.

“Ah, fuck you.” Alex slurred.

“You wish.”

“I really do.”

“God, you really are drunk, aren’t you?” Olivia turned to watch as Alex swayed just slightly and moved to hold her steady, “Let’s get you sobered up. There’s a diner around the corner. Think you could walk that far?”

Alex grinned, “I’d walk anywhere with you.” It was sloppy, but Alex meant. God, did she mean it.

XXX

Abbie walked Serena home that night, not betting on being asked to stay the night, but optimistic the night would end at least with a kiss.

“I’m worried about Olivia.” Abbie said, her hand holding Serena’s loosely.

“And I’m worried about Alex.”

Abbie gawked, “Huh? Why? She’s the – the seductress. She’s the lothario.”

“That’s funny. I called her a lothario earlier.” Serena smiled, “Alex has never – she’s never worked this hard. I think she really likes Olivia, but she doesn’t even know how to handle her feelings.”

“I think Liv’s in over her head.” Abbie left at that. She liked Serena, but she couldn’t say she knew her enough to trust her, especially not with Olivia’s personal life.

“Well, let’s stop worrying about them and worry about us.” Serena leaned over and kissed Abbie’s cheek, “Do you maybe want to spend the night?”

Abbie’s neatly sculpted eyebrows shot to her forehead as she nodded and mumbled a “yes” incoherently.

XXX

Coffee, eggs, toast, and bacon had sobered Alex up enough for her to realize that she was still quite drunk off of Olivia. Her smile made her dizzy. The way she spoke made Alex feel absolutely intoxicated.

This was not good. Not good at all.

“So, tell me about your boyfriend.” Olivia needed Alex’s boyfriend to be great, to be amazing. She needed him to be a good guy so she would no longer feel compelled to kiss Alex. Or maybe she needed him to be terrible, so she could feel justified in going home with her. She couldn’t be sure what she needed anymore.

Alex questioned why she wanted to know, but never vocalized her confusion, “His name’s Trevor. We’ve known each other since we were children.”

“Is he good to you?”

Trevor was good to her. Considerate, though a bit needy, and probably loved her more than even he was willing to admit. He was a good guy. And instead of answering with all of that, Alex simply nodded.

Olivia didn’t really say much more than that, but when she walked her home, her hand was back in Alex’s and for a moment, Alex felt like she was with a girlfriend. For once, she felt like she wasn’t living a lie. She was caught up in the moment, feeling like Olivia was really hers and this was commonplace. Alex leaned forward to kiss her and Olivia kissed back.

It was a little too long.

A little too nice and inviting and warm and perfect. It was over too quick.

“I’m sorry—“

“No, no, it’s okay—“

“I should go—“

“Okay.”

Alex drunkenly let herself into her apartment and found herself falling asleep on the couch, her fingertips still touching her lips.


	7. Chapter 7: Trevor

Chapter 7: Trevor

Alex woke up with a hangover, the kind that starts as pounding behind the eyes and spreads through to the forehead. Daylight was the enemy and Alex threw the throw blanket over her eyes, a groan slipping from her lips as she finally started feeling the consequences of sleeping on the couch.

Still, her lips tingled. She remembered Olivia’s lips on hers. She remembered Olivia backing away, being apologetic, even though Alex was the one who initiated the kiss. Olivia was, in all ways, a well-meaning person. God, Alex had never met anyone like her. So kind. Never willing to take advantage. She was certainly unlike the women Alex was used to sleeping around with. 

Alex peeked out of her blanket cocoon, searching for her phone, which she found on the floor beside the couch.

**_I’m sorry about last night. I was drunk and being an idiot, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t know what I was doing. I wanted to kiss you, but maybe I shouldn’t have. But, fuck, I wanted to._ **

She pressed send, but didn’t expect a response so soon. She didn’t really expect a response at all, thinking that maybe she pushed too far too soon this time.

**I kissed back, Alex. Maybe it shouldn’t have happened, but I wanted it.**

Alex smiled. She couldn’t help it. Despite the way smiling made her head hurt worse, Alex couldn’t stop the smile from spreading. Shit, she was in deep. So fucking deep with no exit in sight.

**I don’t know what to do about this.**

Alex frowned, but typed away.

**_Neither do I. I just know that I want you._ **

It was out there now and Alex couldn’t take it back. She wasn’t sure she ever wanted to take it back, no matter how much it scared her to admit that she wanted Olivia more than she’d wanted anyone else and in a different way than she was used to wanting someone. It unnerved her that it took Olivia more than a few seconds to answer.

**I want you too.**

Despite the headache and the increasing need to vomit, Alex felt herself shiver. It wasn’t that she’d never been told that she was wanted – of course; she’d heard it before. But Olivia saying it, even just texting it, felt different.

**_When can I see you again?_ **

**I work a double today, 1 shift tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow night if you want.**

**_I’d love to see you. I promise, no funny business._ **

**It’s a date.**

XXX

Why she allowed herself to say so much, Olivia would never know. She knew Alex was capable of anything – she was willing to cheat on her boyfriend with what she assumed were countless women, women whose hearts she’d broken, undoubtedly. Yet, here Olivia was, eating out of the palm of her hand. Telling her the things she wanted to hear.

Falling for the things she was told.

If only Olivia had no morals. If only she didn’t think of the consequences. If only she didn’t care.

But she did have morals and she thought of the consequences and she cared too much. Her mother had told her that once, that she cared too much. Olivia never saw this as a bad thing. Certainly not a deficit on her part. Until today.

She suited up, left her apartment, and settled into routine – a routine that left little room for Alex Cabot to find her way into her mind.

XXX

An hour later, Alex was once again forced out of her blanket cocoon to face sunlight and a blaring ringtone. Granted it was two o’clock in the afternoon and any self-respecting adult would be up at this hour, but Alex Cabot had a night full of bad decisions and she couldn’t understand who would call her while she was so obviously inept.

Trevor. Trevor would call her.

“Hey, babe. What’s going on?”

“I’m hung over, Trevor, I really am too tired…”

“Aww, do you want me to come over? I’ll bring soup.”

Alex wanted to say no, but he was so eager to see her. She could hear it in his rushed voice. That was the thing she loved about Trevor. He was always so eager for her. Eager, but patient. He loved Alex wholeheartedly, throughout grammar school, even more when away at Exeter, and even more now.

So, Alex said yes.

And Trevor delivered. He brought soup and tea, made sure she’d had water and aspirin. Then curled his body behind Alex’s on the couch. And despite the fact that his arousal from being this close to Alex was obvious even by the most adolescent standards, he laid there with her, not asking for anything. Always patient, always waiting for Alex to come around.

Trevor was unreal. Too trusting and too nice to be real. If he were an asshole, it would make life much easier. But he wasn’t. He was the type of guy girls like her were supposed to dream about. He was good looking, a gentleman, educated at the best schools available, and affluent. He was well bred and a well-bred young woman like Alex deserved to, eventually marry an affluent young man such as Trevor.

He was hardly what she wanted, but she’d settled it with herself very earlier on that he was exactly what she deserved. And had she not settled it with herself, her mother would’ve settled that for her.

“You must’ve partied hard last night, huh?” There was a chuckle in his voice.

She hadn’t partied. She’d drank herself stupid in an attempt to loosen up in front of a woman she had every intention on fucking, “I tried to drink a Texan under the table.” She lied; she had to.

“Abbie, was it?” Alex nodded a response.

“I think she and Serena are going to get serious.”

“Good for Serena.”

Truth be told, Trevor was always a bit squeamish around Serena. It wasn’t that lesbians, or homosexuality at all, made him sick. But the idea of Alex being around Serena, being influenced by Serena, perhaps falling in love with Serena – those thoughts had crossed his mind. And if Serena was taken, that meant more Alex for him, right? To emphasize the point in his own mind, he held her closer and judged by the grunt that escaped Alex that she was satisfied.

But all Alex wanted to do was run.


	8. Chapter 8: Night, Part I

Chapter 8: Night, Part I

Olivia loved being a cop. She knowing she could help people, knowing that she could make a difference. It was a nice feeling, indeed. But she especially liked interacting with kids. After an early morning patrol, she and Monique visited a third grade class. Afterward, while the kids drew badges on construction paper, the teacher spoke with Olivia and Monique privately. The woman, who she knew as Ms. Walton, had been a bit mousy for Olivia’s tastes, but she was cute.

“I really appreciate you coming out to speak to the kids. It’s good for them to know that some cops can be trusted.” She joked, but Olivia did understand. She knew the history of the department and she was determined to at least change its image in as many small ways as she could.

“We’re happy to do it.”

“There’s gotta be some way I can repay you.”

Her brilliant green eyes landed on Olivia with a look that she’d seen before. Having men and women alike flirt with her wasn’t uncommon, really; especially when she was in uniform. She didn’t know what it was about the uniform, but she thought it went beyond the way she looked in it. She loved it and hated it at the same time.

“We can’t accept gifts, ma’am.” Monique smiled, placing a hand on Olivia’s shoulder, “We’ve got to run – our shift is ending. Thanks for having us.”

Chancing a glance back, Olivia smiled at the brunette who smiled back. While she wasn’t Alex – and Olivia had to admit that she hadn’t been quite able to push the blonde out of her mind – she could use the distraction.

XXX

The following day, Alex cleaned her apartment. She De-Trevor-ed it; put away any remnants of him. Made sure the clothes he’d left behind were tucked away neatly; sprayed her own perfume around to cover the scent of his cologne, left behind from the night before. When she was honest, she wasn’t just doing this because Olivia was coming over. She was doing it because she did it every time he left as an effort to get her space back.

And then came getting dressed. She wondered if she should dress it up – wow Olivia with a dress and order in something fancy. Or should she wear sweats, order pizza, crack open two beers.

Alex grumbled incoherently. Girls never made her this frustrated before. She never cared enough. She didn’t have to worry about the wow factor. She never had to impress. She panicked and she called Olivia.

“So, I’m about to make a giant ass of myself right now, but I could really care less. What are you wearing? Or more accurately, what will you be wearing when you come over?”

A soft, melodic even, chuckle and Alex felt a mixture of embarrassment and elation, “All I know is I’m dying to get the hell out of my uniform and into something less polyester. Honestly, I’ll probably be in sweats, Alex. Should I bring something?”

“No, just yourself.” Alex let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Alright, I’ll be over in about an hour. Is that okay?”

“It’s perfect.” She answered a little too soon, a little too enthusiastically; she barely recognized the person she was becoming.

“Okay. Hey, Alex?”

“Yes?”

“I’m excited to see you.”

She was beaming. And she was beaming when Olivia finally got there, dressed in baggy sweatpants and the tiniest tank top she’d ever seen.

With a dry mouth, Alex managed, “Hi.”

“Hey, you gonna let me in?”

“Oh, yeah. Um…welcome.”

Olivia looked at her surroundings. So this is how the other half lives. “Nice place.”

“Thanks. It’s, um, inherited.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“How long are you going to give me shit for being wealthy?”

Olivia turned back and smirked, “For as long as I want. Problem with that?”

The smirk was returned, “Not at all, officer. I ordered a pizza. It’s in the kitchen. Beer’s in the fridge.”

Olivia took off in that direction and Alex followed, like the helpless little puppy she was now. She sat on the countertop. Watching her. Always watching.

“God, you’re boyfriend must love you. Pizza ordered, beer in the fridge.” 

“Can we spend the evening not talking about him, please?”

Olivia turned back to Alex, “Sure. What do you want to talk about?”

“How was your day of fighting crime?”

Olivia beamed, “Pretty good. I got to go to a school today.”

“Something happened to a kid?”

“No, no. I should’ve specified. I went to speak to a class of third graders about boundaries. Honestly, we should start earlier than third grade.” Olivia turned back to Alex, open beer in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, “At any rate, it was a good time. The kids were cute and inquisitive and I think their teacher liked me.”

Jealousy. Alex didn’t get jealous easily, or readily. She didn’t do this.

“Do you like her?”

“She was cute, nice too.”

“Hmm.”

With a mouth full of pizza, Olivia chuckled, “Are you jealous?!”

“No, of course not.” Alex sighed, “Maybe just a little. Do you want to date her?”

“I don’t know her, Alex. I met her for five seconds today.” She took a swig of beer. She wiped her hands on a spare napkin. She grinned as she approached Alex. She was cute when she was jealous. She stood between Alex’s legs, her hands on either side of the counter beside her. “She wasn’t as pretty as you.”

“Hmm.” Alex pretended to be unimpressed, but she couldn’t deny how Olivia’s proximity affected her.

“Alex?”

At the sound of her name on Olivia’s lips, Alex turned her face to meet Olivia’s. She sighed, softly, “You’re frustrating, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” 

Alex smiled, leaned down, and kissed Olivia on her forehead. Alex realized that she enjoyed the tingle created by feeling of Olivia’s skin, even with a small kiss. If she had any chance at all with Olivia, she’d know tonight. She reminded herself to take it slow.


	9. Chapter 9: Night, Part II

Chapter 9: Night, Part II

The night rolled on with Olivia and Alex now sitting on the floor of Alex’s living room talking about anything and everything. Olivia felt a certain ease with her that she couldn’t say she felt with anyone else, to the point that she trusted Alex to go through the pictures on her phone – and she never let anyone touch her phone.

For her part, Alex had never really liked someone this much. And she could honestly say that she liked Olivia. She liked being around her, getting to know her, she liked the way she smiled – how it reached her eyes first before settling onto her lips, the way her chin puckered just a little.

She liked her. And lusting after someone and liking them were two very different things – one was comfortable for Alex, the other frightened her. Shook her to her absolute core. 

Stopping on a picture of Abbie and Olivia, Alex smiled, “Your hair was so long. You looked nice.” Alex remarked. She liked her hair both ways and her fingers were tingling with the anticipation of running her fingers through her it.

“Thanks. Abbie actually did it.”

“So, tell me, how did you meet Abbie, anyway?” Alex asked, bringing her beer to her lips.

“I met her in a club, honestly. We just hit it off immediately.”

Olivia decided to leave it there, unless Alex asked for more. She didn’t want to say that both of them were drunk and fucked in a bathroom stall before they even knew each other’s names; something that Olivia promised herself she’d never do again. It just worked out that, outside of sex, they still got along.

Alex smiled. She knew better than to think they were completely innocent. No one ever really was, were they? Not even sweet-natured, chivalrous Olivia.

“It’s really late.” Olivia yawned, looking at her watch.

“You should stay.”

“Alex—“

“It is late, like you said.”

“What do you want with me?”

“I think you know the answer to that.”

“I can’t, Alex. I want to. God, do I want to, but—“

“Then why can’t you?”

“Jesus, you really are frustrating.”

“Just persistent.” Alex grinned, “Just stay the night. We don’t have to do anything. It’s late. Besides, you haven’t seen the best part of the apartment anyway.”

Alex stood up and held her hand out for Olivia to take. And Olivia did, “Where are you taking me.”

Alex just smiled and lead Olivia down a hallway. Olivia noted the pictures on the walls – a young Alex, no more than 10 years old, with a taller blonde boy who could have been in his early teens, his arms wrapped around her protectively and another picture with the two of them, this time the boy wearing a cap and gown and a teenage Alex looking quite proud. Olivia tugged Alex’s hand to stop her.

“Your brother?” She asked.

With a smile and a nod, Alex replied, “Nathan. This one is from a summer trip to Nantucket and this is from his graduation from Yale.” Alex sighed softly, remembering both events fondly and wishing for life as she knew it to return – for Nathan not to be a disappointment, leaving Alex with a sense of obligation that she couldn’t shake.

She continued leading Olivia down the corridor to the door on the right. Twisting the knob, she opened the door to her bedroom. The ceiling-to-floor window overlooked Central Park. Olivia had never seen it from so high up.

“Wow.” Olivia walked toward the window, “This is amazing.”

“It’s my favorite part of the entire apartment.”

“I’ve never seen it like this. Not from this high up, except for in pictures and never this late at night.”

Alex smiled, watching Olivia marvel over the view. She felt a certain pull in the pit of her stomach, but not like the sexual pull she was used to when she looked at her. Something different; something that almost took her breath away, “It’s even better at sunrise.” 

The look on Alex’s face, hair falling slightly into her eyes, was a lot less lustful than it had been earlier, but there was something there. Something like longing.

“Alex, I –“

“Just stay. No funny business, I swear. Just stay. Well, under one condition.”

Olivia smirked, “And what is that?”

“Just one kiss. I’ll die if I can’t kiss you again.”

Olivia wanted to say no. She wanted to bolt for the door, but instead, she found herself drifting toward the blonde. And before long, their lips were touching. The kiss was gentle, sweet – not asking for too much or too little.

“Bed? To sleep?” Olivia said softly.

“To sleep.”

XXX

Alex awoke in the middle of the night. She rolled to her side, feeling the backs of Olivia’s thighs against the front of hers. She remembered watching Olivia undress, even though it was only her sliding out of her sweats and pulling her bra out from under her tank and how that made her heartbeat erratic for longer than a few minutes, as if she were some pre-teen seeing a woman for the first time. She remembered the sleepy noises she made and the way she tucked her hands under chin in the most adorable way.

And Alex wrapped her arm around her waist, her nose touching her hair and inhaling her scent.

It felt dangerous. It felt like slowly falling and not caring about where she landed.

XXX

In the early morning hours, as the sun was creeping into the sky, Olivia was redressing and Alex was grasping at the sheets trying to find her. Her hair was everywhere and Olivia could barely handle how cute she is.

“Where are you going?”

“It’s – it’s hard to explain.”

“Is it me?”

“What? No.” Alex let out a sigh of relief, “I just – it’s complicated.”

She leaned over, placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Work?”

“No.”

“A girl?”

Olivia laughed, “No.”

“Will you tell me later?”

“I’ll tell you one day.”

“Soon?”

“Maybe. Go back to sleep, I’ll let myself out.” As Olivia turned to leave, Alex grabbed for her hand.

“Let’s do this again?”

“Sure, Alex.”

As Olivia left the apartment building, she chanced a glance back up to the floor she knew Alex’s apartment to be on and smiled. She had a good time with Alex. Doing it again sounded like a great idea – assuming she could continue to keep her hands off her. She then headed in the direction of Buck’s, a bar that happened to be close to Alex’s apartment.

Her mother was sitting in the backseat of a squad car, her legs dangling in the street. The broad shouldered cop leaning against the car seemed really young, but something about even his relaxed posture said that he was ex-military.

“Officer Stabler?” She asked, as she got closer.

“You Benson?”

“That’s me.”

“She recited your badge number and gave me your phone number to call.”

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s not a problem.”

Olivia leaned into the car, “Come on, Mom. Time to go home.” She mumbled incoherently as Olivia managed to hoist the woman to her feet, “You won’t report this, will you?”

“I wouldn’t think of it.” He smiled.

“Thanks. See you around, huh?”

“See you around.”

Olivia walked, with her mother leaning against her, for another block and a half before hailing a cab.

“Mom, you can’t give officers my badge number. I can’t keep doing that. I’ll lose my job.”

Her mother groaned and mumbled a phrase that sounded suspiciously like “I love you” to which Olivia sighed.

“I love you too.”


	10. Chapter 10: Less Talking, More Touching

Chapter 10: Less Talking, More Touching.

Two Weeks Later

With the exception of a few dinners with Serena, Abbie, and Monique, Alex hadn’t had the chance to really see Olivia alone. Class got in the way for Alex and for Olivia, she’d worked mandatory overtime two weeks in a row. There were a series of texts between the two. To say they were flirtatious would be an understatement. There was more than one text that Alex stored in her phone for lonely nights. It almost felt like Olivia was coming around. The thought of it both thrilled and frightened Alex.

Torts, one of the major areas and classes required for all 1Ls, was held on Monday mornings in what seemed to be the coldest classroom on campus. Trevor arrived early and was sure to save a seat for Alex. Why he felt the need to do that, Alex would never know. But she did feel as though he still viewed her in an adolescent looking glass – like he was the starting quarterback and she, the adoring cheerleader.

She placed a kiss softly on the cheek, “Morning.”

He smiled, leaned forward and returned the kiss, this time on her forehead. Why couldn’t she just be happy with him? Why couldn’t she relish in his attention, fall in love with the way he said her name, or adore the way he held her? It would be much easier, that was sure. 

Even though she’d only known Olivia for a short time, the way she even just lightly touched her hand had caused Alex to long for more. 

“Listen, some of the guys are coming down this weekend. I was thinking, maybe we could have them over your place for the game?”

“Sure.”

Alex didn’t hate Trevor’s friends. In fact, she’d grown up with those men, merely boys then, and she thought of them as friends. But still, this felt very much like an intrusion.

Alex had a forced, practiced grin. It was the same grin that she used during her father’s fundraising events. No one could ever tell it was fake.

XX

On occasion, Abbie and Olivia would meet for lunch. There was a part of Abbie that just wanted to be seen with a uniformed police officer, but, when the school year started, it was nearly impossible for them to see each other at all. In reality, Abbie just liked seeing her friend.

“Officer Benson.” Abbie whispered in her ear as she waited.

“Afternoon, trouble.”

Abbie scoffed, “Is that how you greet me?” 

“I ordered for you.”

“You didn’t get me a fucking salad, did you?”

“Of course not. I got you the manliest of meals.” Olivia looked up at the waitress bringing their meals to them – the biggest burger this place had on the menu with side order of fries and a chicken Caesar salad for Olivia.

“And you’re grazing?”

“Chasing bad guys. Gotta stay fit.”

After the regular catching up, Abbie was ready for the serious question – the Alex question, as she’d been referring to it. 

“She’s got a boyfriend.”

“I’m inclined to say ‘so what?’”

“I don’t want to break up a happy home, Abbie.”

“Doesn’t sound that happy to me. Besides, if she’s willing, as I said before, so what?”

“I can’t do things as cut-and-dry as you can.” Olivia ran her fingers through her short hair, “But God, do I want to.”

“You should. Look, you know what you’re getting into. You know it’s something that won’t last. She’s interested. And when was the last time you had some fun? Other than with me, I mean.” Abbie winked coyly.

“Who said I had that much fun with you?” Abbie’s response was to toss a fry, “It’s that simple, huh?”

“Yeah, it could be that simple.”

Somehow, Olivia doubted that.

By Thursday morning, however, Olivia had decided it was okay to throw caution to the wind. Showing up at Alex’s apartment later that evening wasn’t exactly a wise move – her boyfriend could’ve been there for all she knew. But the urge for the element of surprise was stronger than the fear of getting Alex in trouble with Trevor.

“What are you doing here?”

Standing before her was a bespectacled Alex Cabot, hair in a messy bun and wearing a pair of crimson colored shorts and a Harvard t-shirt to match.

“Are you busy?”

Alex saw the look in her eyes. She knew that look – she’d been waiting for that look. But she’d hoped she’d get to see it when she was better dressed, when she was more prepared. For Olivia’s part, she looked very much like a vision from a dream. There she was, in jeans that looked like they were made just for her, a light jacket unzipped and from what she could see not much more than a tank top underneath.

“N-n-no, I’m not.” She stammered, lying through her teeth as her notes were spread along her living room floor. Constitutional law would just have to wait for another day.

“Then can I come in?”

Alex nodded, moving to the side. 

“You never answered my question. What are you doing here? I thought you were working.”

“I’m off the clock and I came to see you. I hope that’s okay.”

Her tone made Alex’s eyes close, as if to take nothing more sensory from the moment than the sound of Olivia’s voice. She wanted to capture this moment, save it forever, though what she knew would come next scared her.

Alex’s eyes opened slowly, “That’s very okay.” Alex paused before speaking again, “Olivia, are you sure about this?” She measured her words, “I don’t want to push you.”

She’d never cared this much. But Olivia – Olivia deserved better than that because she was special. No one had ever made her wait like this, nor make her want like this.

Olivia took a few steps forward and stood close to Alex, “You’re not pushing me.”

It would be unclear who started the kiss, but Alex would remember that it hadn’t felt like any kiss at the beginning of a hook-up she’d ever had. She’d slipped the jacket from Olivia’s shoulders and vaguely heard the sound of it hitting the floor. Alex could hear herself moaning into Olivia’s mouth as she felt Olivia’s hands on her hips and moving up and under her shirt. The brunette was moaning too now, as her hands moved higher and higher until she was cupping her breasts through a cotton bra (and Alex was still conscientious enough to hate herself for not having on better underwear). Olivia pulled away, a soft smirk on her lips as she felt Alex’s nipples rise to meet her thumbs.

“I don’t think I can wait much longer.” Alex whispered softly, taking the initiative to slip out of her shirt and unhook her own bra. An urgency came over her, a desire she’d never experienced with the women she hooked up and certainly not her boyfriend. Perhaps it was the fact that Olivia made her wait for it. Anything more than that Alex was not willing to entertain.

Olivia pushed her toward the couch and Alex watched as she kneeled before her, her breath quickening with every second. Her lips were on her neck – roughly, with almost as much urgency as Alex had. Olivia’s fingertips were soft as they reached for the waistband of her shorts, just brushing her hips as they tugged at them.

Olivia looked up at her with a sort of determination. Her shorts and underwear were in a pile with her shirt and bra across the room. And here Olivia was, completely dressed. But Alex didn’t have time to contemplate her vulnerability, because Olivia was on her, her tongue against her, and any coherent thought she had left and were replaced by her body’s un-vocalized pleas for this moment never to end. Her tongue only shallowly grazed her, making her want more. Thin pale fingers found their way into Olivia’s short hair, bringing her closer and urging her to give more. And Olivia did not disappoint.

It didn’t take long for Olivia to have her hanging from the edge and when she came crashing down, she crashed hard. She was sure she’d screamed, but she couldn’t tell how loudly – the white noise completely and totally drowned out all other sound.

As Olivia pulled away from her, Alex didn’t hesitate to lean forward and kiss her swollen and slick lips. She slipped off the couch, onto her knees on the floor in front of Olivia and quickly pushed the brunette back to floor.

“You didn’t think I was going to let you have all the fun, did you?”

XX

An hour later, Olivia would be lying on the floor in a pile of constitutional law notes, staring up at the ceiling pattern.

“What made you change your mind?” Alex whispered softly from beside her.

She couldn’t answer. Not because she didn’t know why, but because she couldn’t admit that the desire to have Alex had outweighed the fear of being hurt. Not to herself and certainly not to Alex.

In response, Olivia rolled over and on top of Alex, “Less talking, more touching.”


	11. Chapter 11: Trouble

Chapter 11: Trouble

It’s like watching monkeys in the zoo.

Alex thought this as she watched Trevor interact with his friends in her living room from her vantage spot on the counter of her kitchen. They were truly an anthropological study. The wild fraternity of Kappa Delta Alpha greets each other with punches in the shoulder and headlocks. They drank Pabst Blue Ribbons, not because they couldn’t afford better (because they could and they knew they could), but because of tradition.

And their girlfriends – bless them – weren’t too much different. Alex was supposed to relate to them. They’d all grown up similarly – their parents were well bred and well to do, they’d gone to boarding schools and finishing schools and Ivy League colleges. But while Alex studied her ass off as a double major and gotten into one of the best law schools in the country, they’d been busy getting their MRS degrees – looking for marriage, not a career.

“So, when will Trevor pop the question, do you think?” Alex turned her attention to – Muffy or Mandy or Maddie? She couldn’t remember.

“Well, I hope not soon.”

“No?” Another one of them asked, “You’ve been together so long. Surely, you’re ready?”

“Not really. I’d like us to both finish law school and maybe get on the career track before we make that kind of commitment.”

And with that, the girls were completely dejected.

She wanted to be anywhere but here. More specifically, she wanted to be wherever Olivia was.

It had been less than 48 hours since Olivia had touched her and she could still feel her hands. She could still feel her mouth. She could hear the sound of her voice in her ear. It was distracting, to say the least.

She was in trouble already.

She ached for her.

Fiddling with her phone, she texted Olivia.

I’m surrounded by morons. Send help.

It was a full ten minutes before Olivia responded.

Is this an emergency, Miss Cabot?

And Alex could read it in her voice. She could feel the shiver cascading over her instantly. It was two parts pleasurable, one part frightening. And Alex loved every minute of it.

If it wasn’t before, it is now.  
Do you miss me or something, Alex?

Oh, did she. She missed her the moment she slinked out of the apartment, saying she had to get to the precinct and start her shift and needed time to shower. Alex wasn’t sure if she should believe her – maybe it was too much for her after all and she was bailing. But, she decided she would just play it by ear, going against everything in her nature.

More than I’m ready to admit to.

Meanwhile, in a squad car on West 4th, Olivia texted back.

I miss you too. Sorry I had to split when I did.

“Who’s got you smiling like that?” Monique spoke from beside her, stopping the car at the intersection.

“Oh…you remember that girl Abbie met in class?”

“Tall blonde or short blonde?”

“Tall blonde.”

“I thought I heard she had a boyfriend…”

“She does. It’s casual.”

“You’re a side piece. A mistress.” The thought alone was enough to cause Monique to laugh so hard she swerved.

“What’s so funny about that?!”

“The fact that it’s you! Olivia, you are not built for that. You’re –“

“What? Soft? Too emotional? What is it? Spit it out.”

“You’re too caring.” Monique glanced over, “You’re made to give and receive love, Liv. I know that much about you. I think it might be a good thing for you to let loose, but I want you to get out before you get hurt. Okay? I can’t deal with that, okay?”

Olivia chuckled, “Okay, Monique. I promise.”

She knew Monique was right. She wasn’t built for this kind of lifestyle. She’d end up falling for Alex and that was her biggest fear. If she wasn’t honest, she knew the reason Alex intrigued her most was that she reminded her of the girls from her sorority – the ones who everyone said were “too pretty/too popular to be gay,” but didn’t act very straight when Olivia was around. At least before Olivia wanted to make it more than them sneaking into her bedroom at night while no one was awake to notice.

But this time, with Alex, Olivia felt like she had the upper hand for reasons she couldn’t understand. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her phone.

What are you doing tonight?

She could almost hear the desperation in her voice through the text. The upper hand indeed.

~

In a quiet library on campus, Alex had agreed to meet Serena for a late night study session.

“So, are we going to talk about the fact that you’re sleeping with Olivia now?” Serena whispered.

“Who told you that? Did Abbie tell you that?” Alex fidgeted.

“I had no idea until I just asked. Abbie only told me that you two had seen each other recently. Everything else? It was written on your face when I asked.”

Alex balled a piece of scrap paper and threw it at Serena, who promptly ducked.

“And? You have a problem with it?”

“No. I just think you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.”

And Alex thought maybe, just maybe, Serena was right.

But as her phone buzzed around in her pocket and Olivia’s message that she wasn’t busy at all, she realized she wasn’t really sure she cared.


	12. Chapter 12: Becoming an Addict in Five Easy Steps

Chapter 12: Becoming an Addict in Five Easy Steps

There had been several women in Alex’s past – women who thrilled her, women who made her jaw drop, women that left her wanting. But there had never been a woman who awed her – who made her desperate and needy, who made her crave. Until now.

In a month’s time, Alex had gone from feeling detached and seeing Olivia only when she needed her to needing to see her all the time and feeling very attached. She craved her touch, her smell, her taste in ways she had never experienced before now.

Olivia’s fingers were in her hair, her thighs tensing against her cheeks, her taste on her tongue. Alex couldn’t get enough of her.

“Oh God, Alex…” The sound of her name coming off of her tongue like that – she’d never heard anything like it, nothing as sweet or as sexy. In moments, Olivia shuddered against her.

Olivia was panting, Alex moving away from her, only to come back, kissing her bare stomach until she reached a lace covered breast. Alex was, without a doubt, a goddamn stud. She continued to kiss her until she reached her neck and earlobe.

“I cannot get enough of your taste. God, the way you feel in my mouth. I can’t even describe it.” She whispered, slipping two fingers into an unsuspecting, but completely willing Olivia, “But you on my fingertips is something else entirely. Feeling you pulse around me? You have no idea how powerful you make me feel.”

Alex knew, with only a few movements Olivia would be coming for her again. And she made those movements, sure and swift.

And Olivia was coming in seconds.

Olivia never made noises like that before. Nobody had ever made her make noise like that before. As she came down from her high, she felt herself releasing Alex’s fingers, watched as the woman hungrily sucked them clean. She wasn’t surprised that Alex was able to have women practically eating out of her palm. She often thought, in these moments, that she was not the only person who’d fallen for Alex’s charms. She was not the first one to let Alex take what she wanted.

She hated herself for thinking about those things when they’d had such a good time together.

“Mm, God, Alex. That was amazing.”

“Glad I can be of service.” She chuckled.

Olivia looked at her watch, “I’ve got to go.” Olivia stood up, moving away from Alex to find her discarded clothes.

“So soon?”

“I go on shift in a few hours. I should try to get some rest and I need a shower.”

It took everything out of Alex not to ask her – to beg her – to spend the night with her. Trevor was in his own apartment, Alex didn’t have class until late afternoon, and it wasn’t like Olivia hadn’t slept over before. Though Alex had to admit, that was only one time and they hadn’t had sex yet. Things had changed since then.

“I understand.” She said instead, standing up and kissing Olivia’s cheek, “Be safe out there.”

XXX

“You doing anything for dinner?” Alex whispered to Serena as they sat in their torts lecture hall waiting for class to begin.

“Abbie’s taking me out, actually.”

“Oh. How’s that going?”

“Very well. Abbie’s a sweetheart. She seems a bit hard-edged, I know, but she’s really not.”

“That’s nice.”

Alex attempted to stave off her jealousy. Yes, she was happy for Serena – happy that she seemed to be falling for Abbie who was clearly falling in love with her too. But she was jealous. She may have had Trevor – who loved her dearly, but she could never love him back the way she should love someone.

“And how’s Trevor?”

“He’s fine.”

“And Olivia?” Serena smirked.

“Fuck off.”

“Abbie and I are gonna go out tonight after dinner. You’re welcome to come. Olivia will be there.” She finished as the professor took the podium.

XXX

Olivia was paired with Officer Stabler instead of Monique. It wasn’t that she minded the change – she didn’t at all. But things were awkward between them since her mother’s arrest and subsequent release.

“You can call me Elliot.” He said from beside her.

“Olivia.” She smiled.

“How long have you been in uniform?”

“Couple years. You?”

“As a cop? About as long as you. But I was in the military before this.”

“Oh? What branch?”

“Marines. When my tour was over, my wife was getting ready to have our daughter, so I got out, joined the police force.”

Olivia nodded. She wasn’t surprised. What, with haircut and the demeanor? It was obvious. Though, she had to admit that he looked a little young to have a wife and child. 

“Listen, the other night, about my mom…”

“Don’t mention it. I know what it’s like to have an alcoholic parent. The constant worry, having to clean up their messes – I get it.”

“Thanks. Still, it won’t happen again.”

XXX

With Serena having dinner with Abbie and not wanting to see Trevor, Alex had dinner with her brother instead. The clanging of dishes, the soft sound of conversation and music. 

“So, I have a problem.” Alex began.

“Does this problem have a name?”

“Olivia.” Nathaniel grinned, “Hey! Stop looking like that.”

“I knew it. I fucking knew this would happen one day.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

He took a sip of wine before continuing, “We all have our weaknesses. We all have the thing that will make us crack and reevaluate. I haven’t found mine. But I think you found yours.”

“Fuck.” Alex groaned, “She’s…challenging.”

“Are you sleeping with her?”

“Obviously.”

“But you think you want something more?”

“Clearly.”

“But she doesn’t. Or she’s not acting like she wants more.”

“That’s the thing. Originally she was hesitant because she didn’t want to have something casual. She didn’t want to sleep with someone with a boyfriend. But now that she’s given in, she’s so detached. And I don’t know if it’s because I’m used to being the detached one and having someone who wants more from me or not. Or maybe I actually like her. That scares me most.”

‘Think you could fall in love with her?”

“I think I could. I should really stop seeing her.”

“That’s one way to solve it.”

“But I don’t know that I can. She’s like an addiction. I’m supposed to see her tonight, possibly. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Seems to me, you already know what you want.”


	13. Chapter 13: Let Me Help

Chapter 13: Let Me Help

When Alex arrived at Palace, she was wearing the same clothes she wore to dinner with her brother – tight dark blue jeans, a gray sweater, and ballet flats. She didn’t feel up to par, but she knew she at least looked good. Olivia was standing amongst friends – Serena and Abbie, who were already making out, and another girl that Alex had never met.

And was entirely too close to Olivia for her liking. She stopped for a moment to study them. The girl, who was probably in her early twenties, had long brown hair. One arm was draped over Olivia’s shoulder and one of Olivia’s arms was around her waist.

Oh, Alex didn’t like it at all.

But she wasn’t the type to storm out of the club angrily. No. Instead, she straightened her back and walked right to Olivia. While the mystery brunette was busy giving Olivia a dazzling smile, Alex was whispering in her ear.

“I think you should tell her goodnight, Liv.”

Olivia shivered, visibly. Alex’s rich voice, mixed with her warm breath against her ear and her teeth on her earlobe – it got to Olivia quickly and viscerally.

“I’ll call you later.” Olivia groaned in response to both Alex’s request and her ministrations.

Olivia didn’t even notice the girl’s exist.

“Who was she?”

“Does it matter?”

“No, of course not.” But it did. It mattered too much. But Alex was the daughter of a politician and lying came easy to her.

“I didn’t know you were coming out tonight.” Olivia fixed her arms around Alex’s waist and Alex did the same.

“I wasn’t planning on it.” But Serena had told her that Olivia would be there and that’s all it took for Alex to come, “But I’m here now.”

Olivia looked Alex over. She always did look good in jeans, “Yes, you are. You should wear those jeans more often.”

“You like.”

“I love.” Olivia leaned down and kissed Alex. She wasn’t allowed to kiss her in public – Alex had made that explicitly clear so far that with the exception of the first time they kissed, Olivia couldn’t make advances of any sort out in the open. But in this club, no one cared who Alex was. Here was safe, “I’m glad you came.”

It was times like this; when Olivia would look at her like this, kiss her like this, that Alex forgot. She forgot she didn’t belong to her.

As if she could sense it, Olivia pulled away, “Are you alright?”

“Fine. Why do you ask?”

“No reason. So, my place or yours?”

Alex could feel herself frowning and quickly put an end to it, turning her lips upward in a grin, “What? Not having fun just talking?”

“Alex, when do we ever just talk?”

And there it was. Olivia seemed to be blossoming into a lothario before her eyes. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

“Fair enough. How about the bathroom first and then your place?”

“Deal.”

XXX

They walked from Palace to Olivia’s apartment, not speaking, not standing too close. It was awkward, considering only 30 minutes before, they’d been as close as possible in the small confines of a bathroom stall.

They were rounding a corner when Olivia noticed the figure sitting on the stoop of her apartment building, “Shit.”

“What?”

“My mother.”

Serena Benson was clinging to the railing, groaning as if letting go would mean flying off the edge of the earth. Her outfit – the neat green Tory Burch cardigan that Olivia bought her for Christmas a year ago and the dark gray skirt – told Olivia that she’d left her office at Columbia and went right to the bar, drank her ass off, and showed up here.

“Alex, you should go.”

Alex looked forward. She knew what someone who’d gone on a bender looked like.

“Let me help you.”

“Alex – “

“Let me help.” The sincerity in her eyes shut Olivia up, “Ma’am? Me and Liv are going to get you in the house now.”

Olivia’s mother was escorted inside and onto the couch. Alex placed her on her side, a bucket on the floor beside her, just in case. She then took off in search of water and aspirin, leaving Olivia alone with her mother.

“Mom, you have to quit doing this. You’re killing yourself.”

“Who was that girl?” She slurred.

“Her name is Alex. She’s a friend.”

“She’s pretty.”

“I know.”

“Too bad she’s out of your league.”

Olivia sighed, “I know that too, mom.”

“Water and medicine.” Alex said as she approached. She sat those on the floor too.

“Thanks for your help.”

“It’s fine.”

“Listen, I can’t – not now that she’s here. But if you want to stay the night – I mean, it’s late.”

Alex smiled and nodded.

Olivia’s bedroom is full of warm colors and woefully neglected candles. Her sheets smell like her and Alex could see herself spending forever in this small room. The thought of that scared her and thrilled her.

“You looked like you knew what you were doing.” Olivia commented as she crawled under the sheets beside Alex.

“My brother is a drug addict. There were days – there are days – when I have to help him.”

“Drug of choice?” Olivia cozied up to her, not sure exactly what made her want that kind of contact.

“Depends on the day, but I don’t think a day goes by that he doesn’t have at least cocaine in his system.”

“I grew up thinking it was my fault my mother drank. Literally everything I did would make her drink. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized I’m not responsible for her actions. Still, I feel guilty.”

“I know. But it’s not your fault. People make choices that maybe you and I don’t understand. But it’s not something that’s our fault.” Alex nodded. She got it. She understood completely. And the amount of care Olivia showed toward her mother – the kind of love that doesn’t expect love in return – made Alex wonder what it would be like to have that love bestowed upon her.

Alex’s fingertips crept under Olivia’s t-shirt, across her stomach. One finger dipped softly into her belly button.

“Alex, c’mon. My mom is here.”

“Yeah, passed out on the couch. And if you’re very quiet, I bet she won’t hear a thing.” Alex leaned forward, kissing her – taking her bottom lip between her teeth. She heard Olivia’s sharp intake of breath and knew she had her, “Just let me take care of you.” Her hand moved lower and underneath Olivia’s shorts, “Let me take care of you.”

It was so close – so close – to sounding like making love and Olivia straddled a line between knowing Alex wanted her and knowing that this was temporary. But Alex’s fingers were now moving inside her – it never took her very long to get wet for Alex.

Her mouth opened for a gasp, but it was dampened by Alex’s lips on hers. She pulled away, whispering, “Shh.”

When Alex woke up beside her, marveled over the woman’s perfection even in sleep, it scared her enough to make her leave without saying goodbye, but not enough to not leave a note.

_Had to run, text me later? - Alex_


End file.
